By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    You Never Thought You’d be a Pastor’s Wife?

    Monday, May 15, 2017

    We had our first Confidante Retreat the weekend of April 28-30 in Orlando and had an awesome time together with other wives as we enjoyed new friendships and fellowship. The intent of the retreat was Rest – Renewal – Rejuvenation and that is exactly what happened with the 29 ladies present. We purposely planned the Retreat for a small group so these connections could happen.

    I want to share a blog from one of the wives that attended and pray will bless you.

    I was blessed to spend some time this weekend with about 30 women who share a special thing in common with me….we are all married to pastors. That may not sound like much to those of you NOT married to pastors, but to us, it’s an automatic friend, someone who knows our walk…someone who “‘gets me.”

    What’s so special about being a pastor’s wife? Why should they be any different than any other wife?

    A pastor’s job is so unique that he rarely sees the results of his work. It’s never done. He’s put on a pedestal. He’s a scapegoat. He’s told to focus, yet has the responsibilities of others when they drop the ball. He’s the face of the church. The buck and the blame stops with him. When he’s hired by a church, they often expect for that employment to extend to his wife and his family. He’s paid too much. He’s not paid enough. When he’s fired by the church, he loses his job, his friends, often his home, and his “place.” He’s too young. He’s too old. He’s supposed to preach, fix toilets, print the bulletin, handle benevolent requests from people he doesn’t know, be in the mission field, be in the office, answer phones, take time to study but be available whenever anyone wants to drop in, sometimes lead worship singing, preach funerals, go to hospital visits and bedside visits. He doesn’t wear a tie. He wears a tie. He’s great with kids. He’s too aloof. He attends everything. And he only works one day a week.

    And behind him, his wife and sometimes, children.

    So, yes, having other women who understand these unique challenges is important, and a blessing.

    I never thought I’d be married to a pastor. I didn’t intend to be, but apparently God thought otherwise. When I went to my high school reunion, I heard several times….”I never thought you’d be a pastor’s wife!” However, one sweet friend said, “I can see you as a pastor’s wife, I’ve known your heart for a long time!”

    It’s challenging. It’s rewarding. It’s a blessing. Sometimes it’s a pain (because hurt people hurt people). But, I love my Jesus, and I love that he’s blessed me with the gift I call my husband. – Christy

    Ladies, we all need other pastors’ wives in our lives to share the ups and downs of ministry with, and Christy I appreciate you sharing your heart about your experience at our first Confidante Retreat.

    I want to encourage each of you that if you do not have a Confidante in your life, please reach out to us or another pastor’s wife in your area to come alongside you in your ministry journey.

    God doesn’t intend for us to do ministry alone!



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