By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    When My Husband is Spent

    Monday, July 03, 2017

    How many times has your husband come home from the church totally “spent” and had nothing left for you or your family? We don’t have to be in ministry very long to realize it can be very draining. I dare say you experienced this over the past few weeks with all the demands of Easter.

    I want to share with you what one of our Advisory Team members has to say on this topic that I believe will be very helpful to you.

    “It is natural to have times when life and ministry leave you more spent than what is best. When my husband has those moments, I should kick into overdrive and serve him by picking up the slack and ministering to him in a special way. (After all, he has given of himself to the flock all day.) Next week I may be the one that is “spent” and will need him to help me by giving me a little more grace and help. If, however, this has become the norm and the way of life for your husband . . . he needs to make some changes for the health of all of you!

    If this is the situation with your husband – he gives all of his energy, emotions, words, etc. at church and has nothing left for you and your kids – then here are a couple of steps I would take to effect change:

    1. Pray for your man!!!  He does not need your nagging or complaining, but he does need your prayers for a change of heart and direction – only God can do this.
    2. Look for a good time to share your honest concerns with him. Pick a time when he is free from demands/distractions/kids/fatigue/etc. You may even want to schedule a time with him – give him warning that you want to have a serious talk. Start the conversation by telling him how much you love him and want to see him functioning in a healthy manner for himself and for your marriage and family. Let the initial focus be on him and how you want what is best for him.  Then express how you believe that he will enjoy his marriage and family more if he is able to do a few things differently. Let him know that you want to be his reward at the end of the day . . . not just another task to do or resent. Avoid being condescending or accusatory or irrational in any way. Be specific and avoid general statements. Ask God to help you with this important conversation.
    3. Suggest that he or the both of you get an appointment with Care for Pastors to just rejuvenate and get an outside perspective on how you as a couple can better walk through life and ministry in a manner that will be mutually satisfying and will bring longevity to your marriage and ministry.”

    Ladies, we all need a reminder on the best way to approach this subject with our husbands and I appreciate what Suzy shared with us today and believe it is vital that we keep these things in mind.

    We must set healthy boundaries in ministry, or it will consume us. We are here to help you in any way we can on your journey.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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