By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    When Life Throws a Curve Ball

    Tuesday, March 05, 2019

    The unrealistic expectations for a pastoral family are overwhelming at times and there are times we put those unrealistic expectations on ourselves and our family. I want to share a blog one of our staff members (a pastor’s wife) recently wrote about a “curveball” that was thrown in their world.

    What do we do when life does not go as we had planned? When hopes and dreams are crushed? When life throws you a curve ball?

    I am sitting here trying to calm myself, reminding myself that God has me, God has this. Although I am shocked by this news, God is not. God knew this would happen. He knew I would be here today dealing with these tears, these emotions and fears.

    I am disappointed. I am hurt. Not because I expect my daughter to be perfect, but because I wanted so much more for her. So much more than what this world clamors for. I wanted to celebrate her right choices. I wanted to celebrate her purity. I wanted to celebrate her. She’s still my little girl who I want to love, protect and hold in my arms. She’s still that sweet, dramatic, happy, smiling little girl who I held, rocked, sang to and taught.

    As mothers, we ask where did I go wrong? What did I miss? How could have this been prevented? Am I to blame? Oh, the shame that comes also with one of the greatest blessings I could ever imagine. A baby. A little baby girl. Who I already love even though I just found out about her last night. Oh the variety of emotions I feel right now. I’m sad and weepy. I’m fearful of the judgment we and she will receive. I already feel their judgments. I already feel the weight of this sin. And yet, I also have this excitement in me because a precious, sweet child will now be a part of our lives.

    And this sweet little one, who I saw in a sonogram picture, already named Blakely, is a result of sin. She has no idea what is going on outside of the womb. She is innocent. She is growing, stretching, kicking, moving her fingers and toes. She is already loved by me. She will know love, great love. I’m excited to see her, hold her and snuggle with her. I already picture her looking like her mother, my daughter.

    This sweet little girl will be here in just 20 weeks. She is 1/2 way through the growing process. She was created 20 weeks ago and will be here in 20 weeks. I’m still in shock. I wonder how this news will be received by our church. I know some will abundantly show grace and love, while others will talk behind our backs. Will we hang our heads in shame? Will my daughter see and feel this shame? Or will she see, feel and experience true grace? This is an opportunity to forgive and love; to restore and redeem.

    My present to my daughter will be my unconditional love and support. Her present to me is a baby to love and help raise. I’ve got 20 weeks to get ready. 20 weeks to be joyful in spite of sin. Twenty weeks to be accepting even though this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Twenty weeks to pray, weep and thank God. And when she gets here this will all continue and then some. God will bless this child, no matter the circumstances of how she got here, and I will do the same.

    – Christy

    When life throws you a curveball, and it will, don’t let the unrealistic expectations put on your family by others or by yourself, bog you down and cause you to live defeated. Pastoral families are human just like anyone else and we must remember that. Extend grace!

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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