By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    What Is My Identity?

    Monday, December 06, 2021

    By Christy K.

    I want to speak to you today about “Identity.”


    The condition of being a certain person or thing.

    The set of characteristics by which a person or thing is definitively recognizable or known. The awareness that an individual or group has of being a distinct, persisting entity.

    At our retreat in Orlando back in October, The Confidante administrators hosted a panel where we answered questions sent by many of you, the pastors’ wives we serve. We had these cute little chalkboard plates in front of us that described who we are. Those of you in our private Facebook Group, can you put an admin name on each chalkboard?

    chalkboard identity

    Interestingly, we four are not the only ones who do not fit the mold of the “typical pastor’s wife.” (They don’t exist.) Often, we define ourselves by other people’s standards, or by definitions put on us by assumptions.

    You are not a typical pastor’s wife. You do not have to be defined by what others say about you, who you used to be, to whom you are married, or those you parent.


    Because God said so.

    God says you are chosen, redeemed, favored, adopted, blameless and forgiven. He says you are His.

    You don’t feel like it? You can’t believe it about you?

    That’s a lie from the pit of Hell! You have been saved by the One True God, the Redeemer of your soul, and the lies you have believed need to be rejected and exterminated!

    Because of our husband’s job title, expectations are often put on us by the people we serve and those in our community. No one can or should carry this weight. Shake it off! Set the example that NONE of us are required to live to those standards, but we are to live to God’s standards through Jesus Christ. Show your children that they only need to live up to the expectations of their Heavenly Father, not their peers, not the church youth group, or any of the people at church that think it is their right to impose on your family. Reject the expectations from anyone but your Savior! Teach your children this and it will be one of their greatest life lessons!

    I know this can be difficult; it can be challenging. But this is God-honoring, so He will help you. You are defined by Him and what He did for you and nothing else. Take your heart to Him about this and ask Him to walk you through it. It’s HIS opinion that matters and it’s HIM for whom you live. You will teach everyone around you more about the love of Christ than you ever thought you could by showing others that they need only live for an audience of ONE.

    Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Romans 8:1

    It’s all about Him.

    Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
    Would care to know my name,
    Would care to feel my hurt?
    Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
    Would choose to light the way
    For my ever wandering heart?

    Not because of who I am,
    But because of what You’ve done.
    Not because of what I’ve done,
    But because of who You are.

    From “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns

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