By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    We “Beelong” Together (Part 1)

    Monday, October 21, 2019

    We had our 3rd Confidante Retreat September 20-22 and it was a wonderful time with 22 pastors’ wives from 6 different states and 7 different denominations. Our purpose in the retreats is to keep them small so the wives can connect. What we hear the most from the wives is dealing with loneliness and how a relationship with another pastor’s wife would help in their ministry journey. I would like to share a testimony from one of the wives that attended and pray it will be an encouragement to you and you will attend next year.

    This was my second year attending the Confidante retreat. The year before when I attended God and I were really working through some issues on my heart and He was able to speak to me and encourage me so much through the different women’s stories and the theme of the retreat. Having worked through so much in my own personal journey the year before this year I was so excited to be going to the retreat again and it be just a positive joy-fille weekend. Let me just say the retreat lived up to my expectations and more.

    The theme this year of “We Beelong Together” was so appropriate. We as pastors’ wives are so often out there alone on our little island. The church members don’t realize what they put us through and our friends don’t always realize how they treat us a little differently than everyone else. Even my own mother-in-law doesn’t really get it. She asked me on my way to the retreat this year “So why are YOU going? Why do you think you need a special retreat like this?” Being at this weekend is such a great reality check of I am not alone. My stories are not isolated and crazy. My experiences have been shared by others and they can encourage me. I left with many new friends from around the country and got to reconnect with friends from the year before. I have a tribe out there of women who understand me and I understand them.

    I had the joy of helping lead worship this year and you may assume that was my favorite part. I mean, I am married to a worship pastor. Although the worship was beautiful with all of us singing praises to God, my favorite part was actually the first night when we all got to share our biggest hurts, or our uniqueness in ministry thus far. Getting to share my story of redemption with my husband and family was by far one of the best parts of the weekend. To share my life and not be judged is not always an option. I can’t share my own stories at our church because of the need to be “perfect” for them. They don’t want to hear that their pastors and their families aren’t perfect. The Confidante has given me a space to share freely, and is an opportunity I am so incredibly grateful to have.

    I know it feels like a good bit of money and we as pastors’ wives don’t typically spend a lot on ourselves. There is always someone in our family or world that we feel need it more. Can I just encourage you to make this a priority? My husband and I just put aside a $20 bill every month. $20 a month for a weekend of recharge for you will be some of the best money you have spent, I promise. Spoken from a pastor’s wife who has been right where you have.

    – Kristi

    We do not have the date for 2020 yet, but we will keep you posted as we have the details. We are here to walk with you on your journey, please let us know how we can help.



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