By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    Unrealistic Expectations

    Monday, January 02, 2023

    I pray you had a wonderful New Year and are ready to begin 2023 with a renewed spirit and hearts full of joy in serving our Lord!

    I want to challenge you to begin this year with ministry and personal goals, not New Year’s Resolutions because we always tend to break those. But set realistic goals for yourself and your ministry this year and write them down. Share them with someone and ask them to hold you accountable to these goals.

    I would also encourage you to not set unrealistic expectations of yourself nor let others put them on you. I know if you have been in ministry for any length of time and you have not set boundaries it is hard to start, but what better time to start than at the beginning of a New Year? Many times church members think they own us and their expectations are totally unrealistic, so I would encourage you to come up with a statement that you can share with them when they ask you to do something or when they say something to you about you not doing enough.

    Something along the lines of, “That is a great idea, but right now that is not where God is leading me” or “What I am involved in here at church is what my husband and I have decided is best for me at this stage of life and when things change I may take on more, but until then please respect our decisions.” I know it is hard to stand up for ourselves, but girls, we must because no one else is going to do that for us, unless it is our husbands.

    I know early in ministry I thought I had to say “yes” to everything anyone wanted me to do because if I didn’t, they would think I was a bad pastor’s wife. I got caught up in the “performance trap” and that is not a good place to be, because it becomes all about pleasing man instead of God. I would encourage you to be who God has called you to be and yes that may change as our life seasons change, but be who you are called to be in this season!

    I know God has great things in store for you this year and can’t wait to hear some of your stories as we go through the year.

    Please let me know if we can come alongside you in any way throughout the year to help. We are here to serve you.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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