By Thom Rainer
If you get a group of pastors and church staff together, you will inevitably hear some pretty unusual comments they received from church members. So I did an informal Twitter poll to get some of these comments in writing.
There were so many good submissions; narrowing the list to twenty was a difficult process. Ultimately, I was able to get the number down to my requisite count. Here they are. Some of the comments have been modified slightly to reflect a direct quote.
- “I am not a Christian; I am a Baptist.” I don’t know why I found this one so funny.
- “Do you grow weed in your closet?” The church member actually wanted to look in the pastor’s closet to confirm his suspicions.
- “Sorry I was late to church. My dog, Rambo, and I have been witnessing to people.”Rambo must be a special dog.
- “I don’t know if I will be able to help with baptism tomorrow. I’m bleeding from my rectum. I think it’s hemorrhoids.” By all means, please stay home.
- “Are you the one who keeps taking the beer off my daddy’s grave?” I’m left wondering how daddy gets the beer.
- “So did you fly or drive there?” That was a question asked of a pastor after he returned from a trip to the continent of Africa.
- “We never had these storms until you came.” Those are words said to a pastor after hurricanes Rita and Ike.
- “You need to turn all the lights up during worship. You can’t worship God when it’s dark because He is light.” There has to be a theological response to that.
- “Can you perform a ceremony just short of marriage for just living together?” Do you take this roommate . . .
- “I really appreciate the content of your sermons, but I can’t stand to watch you as you deliver it.” It would be tough to take that statement as a compliment.
- “I need you to go catch a peacock that escaped!” Of course, that’s item 6c in the job description.
- “ I can tell you have the anointing of God. My cat does too.” It must be a very spirited cat.
- “I can’t run the media and worship God at the same time. I can only worship God with my eyes closed.” Note to that church member: Don’t drive and worship at the same time.
- “Are you and your wife getting a divorce?” This question was asked of a pastor when he announced his resignation. They were not getting a divorce.
- “You need to wear a bra when you preach.” Just to be clear, this statement was said to a male preacher.
- “You blink too much when you preach. You are also a very pale person.” Thank you for your kind words.
- “When are you going to get your own church?” This question was asked of an associate pastor.
- “Top that, preacher!” Words spoken to the pastor by the soloist as she stepped down from the podium.
- “Working here will help you overcome your seminary education.” Somebody doesn’t like seminaries.
- “Congrats. This is our last Sunday. This church is dead.” Words said to a new pastor on his first Sunday at a church.
I hope these twenty statements provided a bit of humor. Let me hear from you. I know there are so many more. We can probably have many more laughs together.
Click here to read the original blog on thomrainer.com
This article was originally published at ThomRainer.com on September 16, 2015. Thom S. Rainer serves as president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. Among his greatest joys are his family: his wife Nellie Jo; three sons, Sam, Art, and Jess; and nine grandchildren. Dr. Rainer can be found on Twitter @ThomRainer and at facebook.com/Thom.S.Rainer.
My own personal favorite, said to my pastor husband after decades of preaching, “That was one hell of a sermon, Pastor!” It was meant to be a compliment, and we’ve laughed about it for years.