By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    The Typical Pastor’s Wife Is Dead

    Monday, June 04, 2018

    As pastors’ wives, I believe we have all at some time in our ministry lives thought we should be “the typical pastor’s wife.” But to be totally honest with you, I never wanted to fit into that mold because I didn’t want to be a stick in the mud. LOL! Besides, the perfect or typical pastor’s wife is an urban legend. I recently ran across a blog by Lori Wilhite on that addresses this subject that I believe will be a blessing to you.

    I think the “typical pastor’s wife” is dead. You know, that woman who had it all together, never seemed to struggle, played the piano, attended every event and met everyone’s expectations … although she could have had some help with her wardrobe.

    I’ve heard, read and said “I’m not the typical pastor’s wife” so many times, I’ve started to wonder if she really ever existed at all … or if she really only existed in people’s minds and expectations.

    Some ladies say that as a badge of honor. Most, like me, say it with the guilty knowledge that we aren’t measuring up .. .that somehow God messed up when He called us to leadership because we just aren’t “typical.”

    We spend mass amounts of time, energy, emotion and effort comparing ourselves to a myth. And the problem is … I fall short. My attention turns to my shortcomings and failings instead of staying focused on God and who He created me to be.

    But the truth is God knew exactly what He was doing … exactly who He was calling. He knows my shortcomings and my struggles, and He has extended His call to leadership and ministry anyway.

    Maybe “typical” isn’t what I thought … maybe there is a new typical. Maybe I’m typical.

    The more I talk to pastors’ wives, the more I realize how alike we are.

    Regardless of: Age. Location. Denomination. Church Style. Church Size. I’ve noticed that we all seem to have the same questions. The same struggles. The same difficulties.

    We are trying to serve God to the best of our abilities while navigating the challenges of leadership and the pulls of life.

    Sure, it looks different for everyone, but we are working it out.

    So I think I’m just going to let what I thought was the “typical” pastor’s wife go by the wayside and link arms with other Christian women, who like me, are just doing our best trying to figure life and leadership out.

    I’m going to embrace the knowledge that maybe I am typical … a woman wanting to know Jesus, support my husband, love my children, care for our church, wrestle with my own shortcomings, grow in love and grace, keep my head up during the tough times, acknowledge that I won’t be all things to all people, be available to fellow strugglers, and embrace who God made me to be.

    I am not perfect. But I may well be typical … and that is fine by me.

    Lori Wilhite

    I pray what Lori shared will cause you to stop comparing yourself with others and be who God called you to be.

    Remember, we are here to help in any way we can on your ministry journey. Please let us know how we can.

    Click here to read the original blog on



    Testing... Testing... Have you ever noticed that the word “testimony”...

    read more

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

    Pin It on Pinterest