When you became a pastor’s wife did you have it fixed in your mind how that was going to be? You may have thought you couldn’t be the perfect pastor’s wife or you may have thought serving God in that capacity would be easy. But I doubt very seriously if any of us thought that last thought of it being easy. May I remind you there is no such thing as a “perfect pastor’s wife?” People may think she is supposed to be, but a PW is just like any other woman, human!
I became a pastor’s wife at the young age of 20 and I had some of those unrealistic expectations in my head and I certainly wanted everyone to like me and think I was doing a great job. Then I realized that was going to be impossible, and all I needed to be concerned with was pleasing God and serving where He wanted me to serve. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”
I remember at our first church, one of the women asked me to go to the State Prison for women with her on Sunday mornings to teach a Bible Study to the inmates. And I had those unrealistic expectations in my head and thought I had to say, “Yes” or Faye would think I wasn’t spiritual. So I started going to the prison with her once a month and soon realized that was not my calling, but how was I going to get out of it now? Then one Sunday, Faye called me and said she was sick and couldn’t come. So guess what? I had to go to the prison and teach that Bible Study by myself that Sunday morning and I can still hear those huge steal gates close behind me and what a strange feeling that was to be locked in that prison by myself with no cell phone. We had a good Bible Study, but it was that Sunday that I realized I had said, “Yes” to something that was not my calling and if I kept doing it I was going to be miserable. I had that heart-to heart conversation with Faye and shared that I appreciated her asking me to go, but that wasn’t my calling and I needed to bow out. I was ready for her to give me a speech, but instead she was very gracious and said I understand, this is not for everyone. Boy, could I have saved myself a lot of anxiousness if I would have just said, “No” right up front. But no we as pastor’s wives think we have to say, “Yes” or what will they think.
During that same ministry, I was working at a local bank and had made friends with some of the employees and invited them to church and wanted to be a witness to them. And I will never forget one day the one lady I really wanted to reach said to me, “You don’t act like a pastor’s wife.” My heart went to my feet. I thought oh my goodness what have I done to ruin my testimony in front of her. When I said to Karen, “I am so sorry I have let you down,” she replied, “That was a compliment, because you aren’t a stick in the mud like most pastors’ wives.” Whew, I was I thankful for that compliment. That was when I decided I don’t want to be that fictitious “perfect pastor’s wife,” I want to be one who the world can see Christians can have fun and we are not perfect. This friend did visit our church a few times, and we still stay in touch through social media and when she needs prayer she will message me. We haven’t seen each other for years.
There are so many situations I could share with you where I learned the hard way to say, “No,” through my years of ministry, but this blog would go on forever. I want to encourage you today to be the woman of God that God created you to be and serve Him with your Spiritual Gifts, not where everyone else things you should be serving. And if you haven’t been good at setting those boundaries, it’s not too late to start now. It will be harder than if you had started when you first went into ministry, but it’s okay to say, “No!”
We are here to walk this ministry journey with you. Please let us know how we can help.
