By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    The Loneliness of Being a Pastor’s Wife

    Monday, February 25, 2019

    Have you ever felt all alone even though you are surrounded by people all the time? If so, you must be a pastor’s wife. Our position as a pastor’s wife can be one of the loneliest positions anyone can experience, if we allow it to be. We must work at making friendships outside of the church in order for this loneliness to not take root in our lives.

    Here are some things that have been said to me and other pastors’ wives:

    • “I didn’t mean to send you that email invitation to our party, so please ignore it.”
    • “Why didn’t you come to your birthday party we planned for you?” The pastors’ wife replied, “Because I wasn’t invited.”
    • “Oh, you wouldn’t want to come to our pool party because you would feel uncomfortable.”
    • “We didn’t invite your children to our child’s birthday party because we didn’t think they would fit in.”
    • “I know you saw our pictures on FB last night and probably wondered why we didn’t invite you guys to our small group party, but we didn’t think you would want to come.”
    • “We planned a women’s shopping trip, but we knew you were too busy to go.”

    This list could go on and on, but you get the picture. Then we wonder why pastors’ wives feel so lonely. I’m not sure why church members feel we are so off limits, but I wish they would think how it makes the pastor’s wife feel when being so excluded.

    I want to encourage you to make friendships outside the church. It is very rare to have a close friend in the church; however, I have had some and it has been great but I realize that is not always possible or even healthy. So I would encourage you to get involved in something in the community where you can find friends, or find another pastor’s wife close by and befriend her. She needs you as much as you need her.

    We have a private Facebook group for pastors’ wives and I want to encourage you, if you are not a part of it, please request to join: We keep a list of members by cities and states and encourage the wives to find another wife close enough to meet up for coffee or a playdate with their kids.

    Don’t let others make you feel unwanted or uninvited, work at making relationships outside the church.



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