By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    The Hurts and Struggles of a Pastor’s Wife

    Monday, March 01, 2021

    I want to share a blog written by one of our pastors’ wives here at CfP and pray it will bless you.

    I know a pastor’s wife who went “all in.” She told God, “No matter what you ask me to do, I’ll do it. No matter where you ask me to go, I’ll go.” Her joyful, willing obedience was tested, and she did not pass the test. Guilt and regret set in and her prayers changed. She changed. She is not that joyful or willing anymore.

    I know a pastor’s wife who focused on the weaker ones. She flocked to the ones whose faith was not as strong as hers or others. She was accused of playing favorites and several quit helping at the church because she offended them. She was told that flattery gets you nowhere. She wonders if that was what she was doing or was she just trying to encourage, build up and be kind? She does not freely minister at church like she used to.

    I know a pastor’s wife who poured her heart out to train the younger ones. She was told she crossed the line. She was accused of perverting the word and teaching things that should only be taught at home by parents.

    I know a pastor’s wife who does not know who she is. She feels she lost part of herself somewhere along the way. She doubts herself and struggles with anxiety. Which makes daily life hard somedays.

    I know a pastor’s wife who went through a season of complaining prayers. She would get up from praying feeling bitter instead of better. She began to pray less and less and soon there was distance between her and Father God. Strangest thing was, at the time, she could not figure out why she felt far from God.

    I know a pastor’s wife who got so busy for God, she forgot God. She was too busy doing like Martha, serving, that she neglected to sit at Jesus’ feet, like Mary.

    I know a Pastor’s wife who loved to lead Bible studies. She never claimed to be a theologian, but she loved to share with others what God shared with her. She may have said some things wrong or maybe she did not motivate those in the study to be committed. For whatever reason. that large group dwindled down to 3 or 4 and the PW became very discouraged. She said she would not lead another one. She is currently leading another one, by the way, and so far, it’s going well.

    I know a pastor’s wife who had so many voices talking in her head she could not determine which one was God’s, which one was her’s and which one was Satan’s.

    I know a pastor’s wife who thought her family would be better off without her. She prayed to go Home. She prayed that if it were for the best, God would remove her from the earth and take her to Heaven.

    I know a pastor’s wife whose main prayer was this, “God if you’re going to bless me, bless me through my children.” The children grew up and her daughter became pregnant and hid it for 5 months. But honestly, the prayer was still answered amid that troubling time because she gained a beautiful little granddaughter who she absolutely adores. During that time, she also was the receiver of abundant grace from mostly everyone at church. It was a great lesson.

    I know a pastor’s wife whose best friend betrayed her, and the friend used her strengths and strong personality to turn the tables on the pastor’s wife. The trust that was once there and so appreciated, was gone and the PW wondered if she could ever trust like that again. She still has not fully. She blames herself in some ways. Through this she learned personally about anxiety, PTSD, paranoia, and mental illness.

    This pastor’s wife is me.

    I am not perfect. I have problems and I have faced many challenges. I have wanted to throw my hands up in the air and quit. I have been deeply hurt and broken, but thanks to God, a loving husband, counseling, and Care for Pastors, I am still standing. I have not given up. I have not quit. Have I felt like it? Obviously, yes! But I am still here, fighting the good fight of faith; trusting God daily to provide, use and bless me. And He does!

    I have been a part of the Care for Pastors’ team for over 2 years and I get to experience firsthand the significance and impact that this ministry has. Whether it is a pastors’ wife in our FB group who needs support and love or someone who comes through our doors hurting, broken and in need of hope, we are here for them. We provide a safe place for them.

    The Lord knows those in ministry need a safe place where we are not judged for our mistakes and shortcomings; where we are given Biblical counsel, care, compassion, and steps to begin the healing process. Care for Pastors is that place! Please help us to keep doing what we are doing and when you look at your pastor and his family, please see regular people with the same struggles, heartaches, and challenges that you have. We are no different.

    Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

    – Christy W.

    I am sure there are many of us who could have written these exact words at some point in our ministry. I pray you will let us here at Care for Pastors come alongside you in your journey and be that safe place for you.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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