By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    Pastor’s Wife is Not a Title

    Monday, July 04, 2022

    I recently saw this shared on a friend’s FB that was written by Amy Guy from AZ, and I wanted to share it with you because I know we as pastors’ wives can all relate!

    Pastor’s wife is NOT a title.

    I repeat: not a title. It only describes who I am married to. I don’t even know that it describes my role within the church.

    Why is that? Because I, just like every other human saved by God’s grace, am given a spiritual gift with which I am to use in my church community. So the role for each “pastor’s wife” is and should be different.

    Growing up I told God I would be/do anything EXCEPT marry a Pastor. A missionary pastor, sure, but not a “real” pastor as I knew them.

    Just about every woman I knew who was married to a pastor had a certain personality—an expected and imposed disposition she was to carry. I knew it wasn’t me.

    She could not have close friends.

    She could not be outspoken.

    She had to keep her children perfectly in line.

    She had to carry a mystique and remain unknown.

    And usually, she could play the piano.

    Good news is none of that is in the Bible! Whew.

    Pastors’ wives for decades have carried a burden of never being able to fully meet up to the expectations of all those in their church.

    This is not ok. Somewhere along the way (most likely in ministry training colleges), Christian culture imposed an extra-biblical narrative for the wife of a pastor, the church picked up on it, and no pastor’s wife has been good enough ever since.

    You, my dear pastor’s wife, are doing a disservice to the creative and loving nature of God when you think you have to be something other than who God created you to be. When you are who God created you to be, you set an example in the church for every other woman to boldly serve God the way He gifted and intended for them with passion, confidence, and humility.

    Your role is that of every other Christian as defined in the Bible, you just happen to have the privilege of knowing the heartbeat, vision, and pursuit of your church better than anyone else—because spoiler alert—this is a dual calling.

    Carry the vision God has given you and your husband with passion and zeal. Carry it in the background if that is your God-given personality, or carry it publicly if that is your God-given personality.

    Live loved and love well.

    Don’t get caught up in the unrealistic expectations, but be who God made you to be and serve Him with you whole heart.

    Remember, we are here to walk with you on this ministry journey! Please let us know how we can help.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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