By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    Mid-life Crisis???

    Monday, October 03, 2016

    I want to share a blog from one of our pastors’ wives here in The Confidante that I believe will speak to each of you.

    Does anyone know how old you have to be to have a mid-life crisis? I’m 37, so maybe that’s not what’s going on. Are their other crisises? Is that even a word? Is this a “third of a life crisis” or something? I don’t really know what to call it, but I’m finding myself so uncertain these days. I feel like I’m not quite sure who I am anymore.

    When I think about what life looked like 5 years ago and how different things are now, sometimes I feel like I’m not sure what happened. I mean, there are some changes I understand and knew were happening: we had two more kids, transitioned to a minivan, and bought a house. Those things were somewhat monumental. But things feel so different now and I’m wondering if it’s from all the little, not-so-monumental decisions we’ve made over the last 5 years.

    When I was growing up, we moved around a lot. Most of my childhood friendships faded because we moved away. Maybe those friendships would have eventually faded for other reasons, but I was never around long enough to experience that. Maybe I never imagined that friendships could change or fade for any other reason besides moving away.

    For the first time in my life, I have lived somewhere for over 10 years. There have been so many incredible benefits and joys that come from staying in one place this long! I love how rooted and grounded we are into our community here. But when I think back to 5 or even 10 years ago, it hurts my heart to think of the relationships that have faded or changed. It’s a new experience for me. It’s painful and I find myself questioning if it’s supposed to be this way.

    Is this normal? Does it happen to everyone? Is it me? Have I contributed to the problem? Have I caused hurt I’m unaware of? Am I a bad friend? I find myself second-guessing who I am and who I’m supposed to be. And somehow, it feels like I’m somehow trapped on the outside of this room full of people I used to know.

    Being a Pastor’s wife and a leader in our church, so much of what I do is help other people find community. I help new families connect with our church and try to steer them into life groups or volunteer teams with people I think they’ll have things in common with. In our time here, my husband and I have led at least 10 different life groups. We start a group, fill it with couples who are new to the church or new to life groups, lead the group for about a year, find a new leader from within the group, and then we leave to start another new group. I love helping new families get connected and build friendships. But sometimes it feels like we’ve left a trail of short-term friendships behind us. I feel loosely connected to so many and deeply connected to so few.

    Maybe you think I’m crazy…or maybe you’ve felt the same way before. Maybe this is just how it goes, or maybe it means I should work harder at being a better friend. I’ve heard people say that friends enter your life for a reason or a season. I love the friends I have now and I am so thankful for the new people we’ve met and connected with. But when I think about the people I was close to 5-10 years ago, I feel sad. I miss those relationships and the time we spent together.

    What about you? I’m curious if you are still close to the same friends you had 10 years ago or if you find your circle of friends is different. Let me know your thoughts…

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    I would love to hear your feedback.

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