Generated by Rank Math SEO, this is an llms.txt file designed to help LLMs better understand and index this website. # Care for Pastors: Care for Pastors vision is to see pastoral families persevering in ministry, developing a healthy church, and leading in community transformation. Our Mission: To uphold pastoral families in ministry by providing a safe place for them to turn, an ongoing relationship of encouragement and counsel, and resources that ignite growth in the pastor’s family, church and community. ## Sitemaps [XML Sitemap](https://www.careforpastors.org/sitemap_index.xml): Includes all crawlable and indexable pages. ## Posts - [El Roi: The God Who Sees and Redeems Our Mistakes](https://www.careforpastors.org/trusting-gods-timing): Have you ever rushed ahead of God, only to discover the consequences later? Through Hagar's story in Genesis 16, this encouraging blog reminds us that El Roi, the God who sees, offers grace, redemption, and hope even when we make mistakes. - [Orchestrating Attitude: The Power of Choosing Perspective](https://www.careforpastors.org/orchestrating-attitude): Attitude shapes how we respond to challenges, setbacks, and opportunities. This encouraging review of Orchestrating Attitude explores why choosing the right perspective can positively influence both our lives and the lives of those around us. - [Miracle Moments & God Winks for Pastors’ Wives](https://www.careforpastors.org/miracle-moments-god-winks): Ministry life is filled with both challenges and blessings. In this encouraging blog, Karen Altizer shares how recognizing God's "winks" and miracle moments can strengthen faith, renew hope, and remind pastors' wives of God's constant faithfulness. - [Jesus, Help! | Standing Firm Through Life’s Storms](https://www.careforpastors.org/jesus-help): This morning as I began my morning devotion, I pulled out an old favorite…. 𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘴 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 and saw this…what I had written exactly one year ago: - [The Posture of Expectation](https://www.careforpastors.org/posture-of-expectation): I remember my first pregnancy in 1996–1997. Steve and I were serving as youth pastors in the sweltering humidity of North Carolina. I was 26 years old, teaching elementary music and 22 hours away from family. - [After Everything I’ve Seen in Church, I Still Can’t Wait for Sunday](https://www.careforpastors.org/after-everything-ive-seen-in-church): Church life isn't always easy. A pastor's daughter and pastor's wife shares a powerful reflection on the challenges, heartbreaks, and extraordinary moments of grace she's witnessed through years of ministry. Discover why, despite the imperfections of people and the pain that sometimes accompanies ministry, she still can't wait to walk through the church doors every Sunday. - [Growing in Gratitude Book Review: Cultivating a Thankful Heart All Year Long](https://www.careforpastors.org/growing-in-gratitude-book-review): How can it already be halfway through 2026? Despite our desire to slow things down, time is marching on and dare I say it, the holiday season will be upon us in no time.  - [Hosting with Wisdom: Boundaries and Compassion When Helping Others in Crisis](https://www.careforpastors.org/hosting-with-wisdom-boundaries-and-compassion-when-helping-others-in-crisis): It was early May and we could see the end of school in sight. The weather was warming up and the kids were ready to go outside and enjoy the coming summer. - [Big Dreams by God’s Hand by Julie Ely](https://www.careforpastors.org/dream-big-again-trusting-god-with-impossible-dreams): Big Dreams by God’s Hand by Julie Ely - [A Loved Work in Progress by Elizabeth Spenner](https://www.careforpastors.org/a-loved-work-in-progress-by-elizabeth-spenner): A Loved Work in Progress by Elizabeth Spenner - [Sensible Shoes : A Story about the Spiritual Journey by Sharon Garlough Brown](https://www.careforpastors.org/sensible-shoes-book-review-spiritual-growth): Sensible Shoes : A Story about the Spiritual Journey by Sharon Garlough Brown - [How Breathing Calms Your Nervous System (and Why God Designed It That Way)](https://www.careforpastors.org/how-breathing-calms-your-nervous-system-and-why-god-designed-it-that-way): By Shannon Reiff Waldron - [Criticism: Victim or Student? ](https://www.careforpastors.org/criticism-victim-or-student): Criticism: Victim or Student? by Julie Lynn Ashley    - [The Sacred Weight of Trust in a Ministry Marriage](https://www.careforpastors.org/the-sacred-weight-of-trust-in-a-ministry-marriage): Trust allows a couple to stand united even when the demands of ministry pull in multiple directions. It creates an environment of safety where both marriage partners can be honest about their needs and fears without worrying about judgement or rejection. It helps create emotional safety that can allow a pastor or spouse to admit when they are tired. It allows a ministry leader to confess when they are discouraged. It creates space where a spouse can say “I need you” without fear of being a burden.  Trust allows conversation to help decide on needed boundaries in ministry that can help protect your marriage and church body. - [Heaven Will Surely Be Worth It All](https://www.careforpastors.org/heaven-will-surely-be-worth-it-all): When we retired to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, in April 2021, it felt like a dream come true for me. I had long been drawn to Lancaster County — not only through the Amish fiction I enjoyed, but through the quiet beauty of the area, the horse-drawn buggies, the markets, and the kindness we encountered during summer visits. It made us feel right at home. - [Should a Pastor’s Wife Know Everything? Healthy Church Boundaries ](https://www.careforpastors.org/should-a-pastors-wife-know-everything-healthy-church-boundaries): by Julie Lynn Ashley  - [GRACE BEYOND WORDS: Navigating Conflict as a Pastor’s Wife](https://www.careforpastors.org/grace-beyond-words-navigating-conflict-as-a-pastors-wife): by Tessa McGilbra - [When Mother’s Day Feels Heavy by Maree Dee](https://www.careforpastors.org/when-mothers-day-feels-heavy-by-maree-dee): Mother’s Day is coming, and for many of us, it brings a mix of emotions. Whether you are a mom or someone who loves and supports one, this season can be full of emotion. We love deeply. We hope for healing. We pray for change. And yet, we often find ourselves living in ongoing uncertainty. There can be a quiet tension we carry as supporters—holding onto faith while also feeling the weight of fatigue, grief, and unmet expectations. We may wonder why things aren’t different yet or if they ever will be. I know for me, Mother’s Day and other meaningful days haven’t always looked the way I hoped they would. There have been moments where my expectations didn’t match reality—and I’ve felt the weight of that. I’m learning to hold those expectations more gently. Sometimes that means keeping things simple, a short visit instead of a full day, or even celebrating on a different day altogether. I’m also learning that it’s okay if the day doesn’t look like I imagined. That doesn’t take away the love—it just means we’re living in a different kind of reality. Maybe for you, it looks like lowering expectations, keeping things simple, or permitting yourself to do the day differently this year. If that’s where you find yourself today, you are not alone. Thriving doesn’t mean everything is fixed. It doesn’t mean the struggle is over or the pain is gone. It means staying anchored in Christ—even when life feels unsteady. Even when your heart feels both hopeful and heavy at the same time. As Mother’s Day approaches, I want to gently remind you: Your love matters. Your presence matters. And God sees every unseen moment. - [Surviving an Unwanted Divorce](https://www.careforpastors.org/surviving-an-unwanted-divorce): The book grew out of Lysa’s own experience after her marriage ended because of repeated betrayal by her husband. A big part of the Biblical discussion centers on the question many Christians wrestle with: Does God hate divorce? The book explains that the often-quoted verse in Malachi is somewhat misunderstood. The focus of God’s anger in the passage is on betrayal and harm in a marriage, not on condemning the wounded person who ends up divorced. The scriptural advice is practical. The authors talk about forgiveness in a balanced way-acknowledging that forgiving someone does not necessarily mean trusting them again or restoring the relationship. They also discuss topics including codependency, boundaries, and emotional healing and connecting these ideas back to Biblical principles about truth, humility, and personal responsibility. - [When Your Place of Worship Becomes Your Place of Work ](https://www.careforpastors.org/when-your-place-of-worship-becomes-your-place-of-work): Now, many years later, we are blessed to work with a large team. And truly, it’s a blessing to not feel like we need to do everything from replacing ceiling tiles, to burping babies, to preaching. It’s a joy to see our team flourish in roles that God has gifted them to fill and for them to see His unmistakable power moving through their work.  - [Forever Arm-Chaired and Never Supported](https://www.careforpastors.org/forever-arm-chaired-and-never-supported): It took years of hard knocks to break free from that hold, but I no longer feel cynical. I just feel sorta worn; kinda spent. Choking down hard swallows of reality has a tendency to wear on the soul. Yet reality can’t be avoided. The simple truth is, most parishioners will not give me the benefit of the doubt. They will judge me without concern for my feelings or acknowledging my needs. That’s flat-out reality. - [Monday Motivation ](https://www.careforpastors.org/monday-motivation): But the church on Sunday must be the church on Monday too. And we are the church. If we leave the pew and go on with our Monday selves without clinging to Jesus as we did the day before, what impact, are we making besides the impression left of us sitting in our seats. Are we holding onto the seat more than the Savior? Are we more eager for our morning coffee than talking to the Lord?   - [The Messy Marvelous Middle by Datha Wilson Whitfield ](https://www.careforpastors.org/the-messy-marvelous-middle-by-datha-wilson-whitfield): Datha is one of our wives who has been a part of the Confidante group for pastors’ wives for a long time. She has been living life one day at a time just like us. But she has been paying close attention to the “messy middle” and declaring that with Jesus it truly is marvelous.   - [When Fear Leads, We Lose Connection](https://www.careforpastors.org/when-fear-leads-we-lose-connection): Sweet sister, - [The Road Trip That Healed Our Marriage: A Christian Testimony of Overcoming Vaginismus](https://www.careforpastors.org/road-trip-healed-our-marriage-overcoming-vaginismus-christian-testimony): A powerful testimony of how a long road trip, the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and the Pain-Free Intimacy program brought healing, hope, and restored intimacy after 22 years of vaginismus. - [Laughter in Your Ministry Family: 12 Tips for Inspiring Laughter](https://www.careforpastors.org/laughter-in-your-ministry-family-12-tips-for-inspiring-laughter): My son has the most amazing laugh. In fact, our family will pay to see a children’s movie at the theatre just because we know we will hear him laugh. When a character falls dramatically or an unexpected line is said, he leans his head back, makes a slight Chewbacca sound, pauses, gasps for breath, and then starts again. We can’t contain our own laughter as we hear it. It’s contagious. - [Grieving in the Pastorate](https://www.careforpastors.org/grieving-in-the-pastorate): My precious wife, Kaye, passed away on Thursday morning, September 11, 2025, after a battle with an aggressive and rare cancer. This loss was far too quick. We did not have as much time as we thought we had.   - [Infertility is One of the Loneliest Griefs We Don’t Talk About](https://www.careforpastors.org/infertility-is-one-of-the-loneliest-griefs-we-dont-talk-about): Even though I know better, I once asked that second question to a couple at our table. As soon as I asked, I saw the woman’s face fall. I was horrified that I had put someone in that position. Of course, she would have joined the conversation if she wanted to. - [Resource Post- Book Review – When God Doesn’t Fix It by Laura Story](https://www.careforpastors.org/resource-post-book-review-when-god-doesnt-fix-it-by-laura-story): Learning from our own experience helps soften the blow for the next time. But it is always good to hear the stories of others who have had “the rug pulled out” of their plans and how they responded. - [INVOLVED WHEN YOU AREN’T INVITED: Creative Ways In as a Pastor’s Wife](https://www.careforpastors.org/involved-when-you-arent-invited-creative-ways-in-as-a-pastors-wife): You are a pastor’s wife and your heart’s desire is to be IN the lives of the members of your congregation. If you’ve been in ministry life for any amount of time, you know this can be challenging. Why? Because oftentimes, congregation members don’t think to invite you…to their gatherings, parties or holidays. Over the years I have learned that this is not an intentional thing to keep you out. They may assume you are too busy, disinterested, or have concerns that your presence means they better be on their best behavior. Though you may not have any intention of being intimidating…people may perceive you that way because of who you are married to. - [Soaring](https://www.careforpastors.org/soaring): Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) - "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." - [How to Strengthen a Ministry Marriage](https://www.careforpastors.org/how-to-strengthen-a-ministry-marriage): Be honest and open with each other about your struggles. Set aside time for the two of you to have uninterrupted conversations. Share more than information. Share with each other how you are feeling and what you need. - [NURTURING YOUR SOUL: How to Spiritually Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife in Busy Times](https://www.careforpastors.org/nurturing-your-soul-how-to-spiritually-thrive-as-a-pastors-wife-in-busy-times): As we got ready to settle in, I couldn’t stop thinking about just one more thing I needed to do. If I just finish up this last task, then I could finally relax. It had been like this for a while. Balancing life as a wife, wearing mom and work hats, and being a pastor’s wife didn’t leave much time to spare. Between getting our son ready for senior year, planning ministry events, meeting work deadlines, and supporting women in the church, my to-do list seemed to have a life of its own. I had gotten so comfortable being in do mode that I didn’t realize I had slipped into the trap of busyness. Sure, the things I was doing were good—important, even—but looking back, I can’t help but wonder if everything I was doing was truly motivated by love for God or simply by the pressure to keep up. - [At Your Best](https://www.careforpastors.org/at-your-best): We all have things to do. Whether it is personal, work related or ministry, things need to get done. And we need to do them. But how? How do we accomplish the things we need to and do it in our best mode? How do we make choices when given more to do than we can accomplish ourselves? Or are we even the best person to do it? - [Encouragement for the New Year: Let’s Be Brave and Take Courage](https://www.careforpastors.org/encouragement-for-the-new-year-lets-be-brave-and-take-courage): The little girl was a little teary-eyed. (Sometimes a three-year-old just feels sad and doesn’t want her parents or grandparents to leave her.) To try to get the little girl’s mind on something else as she dropped her off, the grandmother told me the little girl had recently gotten her hair cut.  - [New Connections and Nurturing Friendships](https://www.careforpastors.org/new-connections-and-nurturing-friendships): To provide an environment for new connections with other pastor’s wives and to encourage the nurturing of existing friendships. All the while sharing a theme that encourages spiritual growth in our personal walk with Jesus. This year’s theme was “Anchors for the Journey”. We concentrated on where God has us anchored right now, how strong of an anchor God is in our lives and even though sometimes we pull at and fight the anchor, but God never fails to hold us. - [Why is Ministry Hard on Marriage?](https://www.careforpastors.org/why-is-ministry-hard-on-marriage): Sometimes we place these expectations on ourselves. Sometimes people in the church have unrealistic expectations of us. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of our spouses and their involvement in the church. Sometimes your spouse may feel like an outsider or a second-class member of the church. None of this is intentional, but it happens due to the nature of ministry. - [A Teachable Spirit](https://www.careforpastors.org/a-teachable-spirit): I don’t know what 2025 held for you, but I have a feeling there were some struggles and bumps along the way. I pray you didn’t just go through those times, but that you grew through them. That is why I want to share a recent devotional of mine on this subject. - [2025 Resource Recap](https://www.careforpastors.org/228150-2):   - [Do What You Know is Right – Regardless of How You Feel](https://www.careforpastors.org/do-what-you-know-is-right-regardless-of-how-you-feel): Here is a blog written by a pastor’s wife that addresses this for us. - [The Power of Repeated Thoughts: How they Shape Beliefs and Life Experiences](https://www.careforpastors.org/the-power-of-repeated-thoughts-how-they-shape-beliefs-and-life-experiences): How Repeated Thoughts Become Beliefs - [Christmas Grief](https://www.careforpastors.org/christmas-grief): ...At their church. - [Your Calling is High](https://www.careforpastors.org/your-calling-is-high): You carry a calling that the world doesn’t always see. You bear the weight of your family, your husband’s ministry, and the countless lives he shepherds, all while your own heart and spirit must stay strong. It is not easy. It is not always appreciated. And yet, God has set you apart for such a time as this. - [Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner](https://www.careforpastors.org/chasing-slow-by-erin-loechner): This is a story of a woman who started slow, ran a fast-paced life and then asked the question Why? - [Truth and Healthy Boundaries](https://www.careforpastors.org/truth-and-healthy-boundaries): Through the years I’ve learned to be very big on Truth and boundaries. Truth and boundaries protect, teach, and are necessary. Sometimes Truth isn’t easily accepted, even though it’s coupled with love or care. People can treat God’s messengers very poorly. People can treat best friends poorly when they don’t want to hear Truth. People can treat family members poorly when they don’t want to hear Truth.   - [Navigating Feedback as a Pastor’s Wife](https://www.careforpastors.org/navigating-feedback-as-a-pastors-wife): As a result, feedback—whether compliments or concerns—can often be approached through their spouse. Ministry wives can find themselves in the role of a sounding board, being asked to pass along messages intended for their husbands as ministers (lead pastor, worship, children’s, youth, etc.). - [A Lesson in a Corn Maze](https://www.careforpastors.org/a-lesson-in-a-corn-maze): We had a school field trip to go on. The first big one of the year. We do online school, so the trips are one way to connect with other kids, which my daughter wanted to do. It was at a Cider Mill and there were lots of activities to do. But when that morning rolled around…. I didn’t want to do it. School has been hard for my daughter, and with both of us being neurodivergent it’s just been incredibly frustrating. And in my humanness, I take a lot of it out on my husband. - [Problems, God’s Presence and Prayer](https://www.careforpastors.org/problems-gods-presence-and-prayer): We often wrongly assume that God will keep bad, chaotic, stressful things from our lives. But the reality is that He allows all those things in. But He allows those problems to practice His peace in the midst. - [Forgiving Your Church as a Pastor’s Wife](https://www.careforpastors.org/forgiving-your-church-as-a-pastors-wife): “Please tell your students to find alternate routes to your office. They are wearing out the carpet.” - [With Filter](https://www.careforpastors.org/with-filter): After 8 rounds of chemo I had gotten used to the conversations with a “chairside check”, making sure that the medicine in the IV bag was consistent with the orders of what I should be receiving. I listened to the two nurses exchange that information and was confident when they both signed off that I would be receiving the right medicine, the right dose and at the right drip speed. I came to expect, count on and gain confidence in this exchange. - [UNPRIVATE: The PUBLIC LIFE of a PASTOR’S WIFE](https://www.careforpastors.org/unprivate-the-public-life-of-a-pastors-wife): Good morning, - [YOU are not FORGOTTEN](https://www.careforpastors.org/you-are-not-forgotten): In this book YOU are not FORGOTTEN by Christine Hoover, you will discover in the page’s real questions, like yours, real emotions that creep in on all of us. But you will also find deep truths that show us that God does see us, does care about our emotions, does desire for us to feel seen, regarded as a value, and loved beyond measure. - [Being Brave in the Balance](https://www.careforpastors.org/being-brave-in-the-balance): Good morning ladies, - [Of Course, He Cares](https://www.careforpastors.org/of-course-he-cares): What kind of question is that? At first glance, it sounds ridiculous—how could Jesus not care? And yet, I’ve asked it a million times. God, don’t you care and why aren’t you doing something? Why did this happen? I’m doing what you asked, so why, why Lord, are you not acting? - [Inward Renewal](https://www.careforpastors.org/inward-renewal): As we begin a new week, I want to encourage you to focus inwardly this week. I know there are many reading this, self-included, who deal with health issues, chronic pain, autoimmune disorders etc. and there are days it is hard to not be inward focused because our bodies and pain demand attention. - [Embracing the Rain](https://www.careforpastors.org/embracing-the-rain): The weather was perfect.  I had already checked the radar prediction. It isn’t that I hate rain. I just hate being caught outside in it. Getting caught unprepared in the rain makes me feel vulnerable, out of control, and well—you know—my hair! ## Pages - [Year End Campaign 2025](https://www.careforpastors.org/year-end-healing-campaign-2025): Hurt people, hurt people…healed people, heal people! For over 20 years, Care for Pastors has had the privilege of coming alongside 1,000s of pastoral families providing a “safe place” to be raw and real without fear of guilt, shame, or condemnation. - [Good News Summer 2025](https://www.careforpastors.org/summer25): Unrealistic expectations, harsh criticism, and public attacks leave many pastors and spouses struggling. We see it most often in four areas: - [Disclaimer](https://www.careforpastors.org/disclaimer): Disclaimer data-policy-key="YmxaS1REVm1iVTVoVlhWQlFuYzlQUT09" data-extra="h-align=left&table-style=accordion" Please wait while the policy is loaded. If it does not load, please click here to view the policy. - [Terms of Service](https://www.careforpastors.org/terms-of-service): Terms of Service  data-policy-key="YkhWTk9FNTJiV3h5TkZseldsRTlQUT09" data-extra="h-align=left&table-style=accordion" Please wait while the policy is loaded. 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It might say something like this: ## Categories - [Balance](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/balance) - [Burnout/Fatigue](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/burnout-fatigue) - [Church Conflict](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/church-conflict) - [Communication](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/communication) - [Depression/Anxiety](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/depression-anxiety) - [Endorsements](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/stories/endorsements) - [Expectations](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/expectations) - [Family](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/family) - [Family Life](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/family-life) - [For Pastors](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors) - [For Pastors' Wives](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives) - [Forced Termination](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/forced-termination) - [Forgiveness](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/forgiveness) - [Healthy Priorities/Boundaries](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/priorities-boundaries) - [Identity](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/identity) - [Leadership](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/leadership) - [Loneliness](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/loneliness) - [Margin](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/margin) - [Marriage](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/marriage) - [Ministry Betrayal](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/betrayal) - [Ministry Life](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/ministry-life) - [Pastors Prayers](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/pastors-prayers) - [Personal Life](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/personal-life) - [Problem-Solving](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/problem-solving) - [Resources for Pastors](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/resources-for-pastors) - [Resources for Pastors' Wives](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/resources-for-pastors-wives) - [Self-Care](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/self-care) - [Spiritual Life](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors/spiritual-life) - [Spiritual Walk](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/for-pastors-wives/spiritual-walk) - [Stories](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/stories) - [Testimonies](https://www.careforpastors.org/category/stories/testimonies)