By Robert White

Dr. Robert White was raised in central Florida and completed his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Central Florida. After college, he completed the Master of Divinity and Doctor of Ministry degrees at Luther Rice Seminary in Atlanta, Georgia. For more than 40 years he has served as pastor of churches in Florida and in Massachusetts. In October 2016, Dr. White joined Care For Pastors as a Pastoral Counselor/Coach. Robert currently resides with his wife, Kaye, in Leesburg, Florida.

    How to Energize Your Relationship

    Wednesday, July 12, 2017

    I recently read a book by Wayne Cordeiro, titled, “Leading on Empty”. In the book he makes the following statement, “Healthy marriages require intentionality and planned investment.”

    I couldn’t agree more. The stresses and demands of ministry will drain the life and energy right out of you. If you are not careful and intentional, you will find that at the end of the day you have nothing left for your spouse.

    My wife (Kaye) and I determined to set aside one day a week to invest in our marriage. It has been going on for more than 15 years now. We have really benefitted from the time spent planning, praying, sharing, laughing, playing, working, and appreciating each other. We call it “Kaye Day”. It happens every Friday and everyone that knows us, knows that we have made this part of our lives.

    Not everyone can set aside a day each week but you can strategically carve out some time for each other every week. We all need this time for each other. It is essential for the maintenance of a healthy marriage.

    I recently read a blog about how to revitalize your relationships. I have adapted the questions from the blog and made them my own. You can do the same.

    Here are four questions that can add value, vitality, and vibrancy, to any relationship. They are intended to help us stay in touch with our spouse. It has been suggested that these questions could be asked at the beginning of every week. If you are not able to do that, try it once a month, or at a time that works for you. The point is simply that we need to make time for this kind of communication.

    1. What is on your agenda this week? Or, what are you facing this week? This helps you understand what your spouse is dealing with and how it affects him/her.
    2. What has made you feel loved during the last week? This helps you remember what your spouse needs from you and helps you remember to keep doing what you’re doing.
    3. What would make you feel loved this week? This helps you stay focused on serving your spouse throughout the week with intention.
    4. How can I pray for you? This helps keep your focus on God and dependence on Him to ultimately meet her needs.

    When you ask a question be sure to listen carefully for the answer and don’t interrupt. Active listening takes focused attention.

    After you have gotten the answers to all four questions, turn it around and let your spouse ask you the same four questions.

    I think these are great questions. Why not give them a try?  I believe they will work for other relationships as well. Parent/Child, Best friends, etc.

    At Care for Pastors, we believe healthy marriages are essential to healthy ministries. We want to see every pastoral family persevering in ministry, developing a healthy church, and leading in community transformation.

    Contact us if we can help either one of you.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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