Practical suggestions for navigating the journey of grief.
My precious wife, Kaye, passed away on Thursday morning, September 11, 2025, after a battle with an aggressive and rare cancer. This loss was far too quick. We did not have as much time as we thought we had.
Kaye was the love of my life, my best friend, my ministry partner, my prayer partner, my financial partner, my chief counselor and confidante, my biggest cheerleader and encourager, and so much more. I miss her every day.
I am praying daily that God will help me to grieve well, to grieve in a healthy way, to grieve in a way that brings HIM honor and glory.
Here are a few things that have been helpful in this journey of grief:
- Gratefulness – Gratefulness carries grief to its proper destination. I am deeply grateful to God for the way in which He brought my precious wife home. He was merciful, gracious, kind, and loving. This gratefulness is a mindset. Gratefulness rewires your brain to expect good things. There is so much for which we can be grateful.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 – “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
- Outward Focus – Keeping an outward focus means that instead of focusing on how I feel at any given moment, I can focus on helping others, serving others, comforting others, praying for others, giving to others, and encouraging others. It amazes me how serving someone in need ends up coming right back to me. Somehow, the Holy Spirit uses this to minister His comfort and peace to me.
Galatians 5:13 – “through love, serve one another.”
- Church Family – My church family and, especially, my small group have been a great source of comfort and encouragement in my loss. They have prayed for me, supported me, encouraged me, guided me, counseled me, and cried with me.
When the difficult Christmas season came around, my small group decorated my house for Christmas. They did a beautiful job. Such kindness reminded me of my heavenly Father’s love and care.
Hebrews 10:24 + 25 – “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
- Work Family – My work family has been and continues to be a great source of comfort and peace. They have prayed, counseled, supported, encouraged, understood, and accepted me in my grief. They have helped me get back into healthy rhythms of life. They have reminded me that my life is not over, it still matters, and God still has a plan and purpose for my life.
Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
- Journaling – Writing out my thoughts, feelings, and prayers has brought some clarity to the sometimes foggy journey of grief. It is surprising how clear things become when you are forced to put your thoughts and feelings into words. This exercise can be especially meaningful when you are having difficulty expressing your heartbreak or putting your prayers into words.
- Weekly Check–in – I meet weekly with a trusted friend who asks me hard questions and keeps me grounded. This friend is biblically- based, Christ-centered, and grace-driven. He offers me valuable perspective and feedback on my journey. All of us need a biblically sound person to reflect God’s grace and truth back to us.
- Daily Quiet Time – I cannot neglect time in the Word and prayer. This is my lifeline in the journey of grief.
- Refusing to Isolate – Isolation is easy when you are grieving. You just do not have the energy to engage with people. It is easy to just pull the covers back up over your head and shut the world out. But this is not healthy grieving. God designed us to live in community. We need each other. Do not isolate. Take the opportunities to go and be with people, especially people you love and those who love and care about you.
Pastors, you do not have to do ministry alone. Care for Pastors is a safe place to help you navigate through the unique challenges of pastoral ministry. Reach out to us at careforpastors.org.
Recommended resources for those who grieve:
- 90 Days of God’s Goodness by Randy Alcorn
- Through A Season of Grief by Bill Dunn and Kathy Leonard
