By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    Expectations of a Pastor’s Wife

    Monday, March 20, 2023

    By Christy K.


    Just the word is enough to make us cringe.

    It is my experience that others’ expectations of me are not nearly as hard to meet as MY OWN!

    Can I get an amen? Yeesh!

    It has taken me a while and some maturity to get to the point where I don’t allow others’ expectations get to me. This maturity is much needed when it comes to my own expectations of me. The more I read my Bible and understand my Father’s expectations of me, the easier it’s becoming! We’ve talked before about performing for an audience of One – that what God thinks of us is more important than anyone else’s opinion. That’s good. But how do we do remember this in a practical way?

    Steeping ourselves in God’s word regarding this has been helpful for me and allows the Holy Spirit to work in me in this area.

    “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.” Psalm 62:5

    My hope must be in Him, not me or anyone else. I need to wait on Him and listen!

     “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

    Jesus knew when He said in this world, we will be labored and burdened, but His peace is available to us. Does this mean I won’t feel harassed sometimes? Or the people in the church or my family won’t create burdens for me? No, but He promises that these temporary things are just that; and shows me an eternal perspective!

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God.” Philippians 4:6

    Our Father wants to hear from us, to hear our hearts and needs, and He’s ready to hear and act on our behalf. His expectation is that I will be anxious (remember the “in this world you will have trouble” verse?). He wants us to fully rely on Him in spite of the anxious times. He’s a good Father who wants to provide for His child. I need to remember this and tell Him!

    “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8

    Other people may think I need to run the nursery or the women’s ministry. Other people may think I need to do this or that to support my husband. I may even feel guilty for not doing those things the way others think I ought. But God has told me what is required of me! And it’s laid out very clearly in this verse – walk humbly with my God and everything else falls into its place; my goodness, love and kindness are a direct result of my walking humbly with God.

    My husband is a humble servant of God, a minister to many. His calling has been on him since he was 12 years old. I met Stan when he was 34 and when I asked him what he did for a living, he replied, “I’m a soul-winner!” That’s a powerful calling! His calling is not mine, but God did call me to come alongside him and be his wife, his helper and support. God’s call on me is to love, encourage and support him in my role: “Do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with my God.” When I do this, I have the clarity I need to handle the expectations of me, and on me, with God’s discernment and wisdom.

    I pray you seek God’s guidance on what He’s called you to, and that He gives you the discernment and wisdom to do His will, and His alone.  Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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