By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

    Everybody Has Expectations

    Monday, December 20, 2021

    By Renee D.

    We all expect things of certain people, I’m not going to lie. I expect things of certain people, people in positions, roles, etc. I do!

    Others have their expectations of us in each role we are in. Whether it’s wife, mother, teacher, leader, friend, “the Pastor’s Wife,”  or whatever. We have expectations at home, at church, or in our job positions, etc. The world in their skewed thinking even has expectations of us as Christians.

    I have expectations of me! Those can be true and healthy, but also they can be the result of the lies of the world and Satan, and can be very detrimental and binding.

    However, the word “expectation” is affecting your life right now. The Truth of the matter is —Christ is the only one who is allowed to place expectations on me and my life. Embracing this Truth means I agree that:

    My roles are defined clearly in His word. Each and every role that needs expectations is outlined there. If I’m super busy fulfilling Christ’s expectations, I don’t have the time or energy to fulfill someone else’s. I need to die to self, throw off what anyone else expects, and lean into the Word and embrace those expectations above all others.

    If I meet all of Christ’s expectations — those who love and walk with Him too, will be satisfied by my desire to, and by my fulfilling of these roles. Those people are the ones who understand the importance of following Christ. Those people are happy to lock arms with me and encourage me as a sister. They will also grant me grace when I fail, as they expect me to grant it to them, when they fail.

    Those who aren’t satisfied, are those whose vision is skewed by something – their philosophy, the world, upbringing, what others say, previous role models, books, magazines, even their own selfishness…they can be manipulative, controlling, divisive, and/or destructive.

    So now you might say, oh great! Haha! Yes, I say that too – but let me tell you something, I learned a long time ago that the only smile I need to see, is that of my Savior. And, if I’m pleasing Him, I’m pleasing those who truly love Him. They get it, they understand. Those who don’t understand, I will need to guide by my boundaries. I might need to use the word no, or a form of the word no. I might need to answer in Truth and love and explain what Christ expects of me in a given situation. I might need to simply not respond, but carry on until they see me being used by God, in His way, and in His time.

    We also have to stop expecting the world and self-centered people to understand. We have to stop being disappointed when they are disappointed in us. We have to stop allowing other’s expectations to anger us, drag us into despair, or damage our peace as we serve Him. We have to kindly stop people from defining us, when it’s Christ that defines me – my life is God’s and I am hidden in Him.



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