By Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.


    Monday, September 21, 2020

    “You can have it all, do it all, be it all. Just not all at the same time!” That is the best vaccine against getting yourself jumbled up into the life of unhealthy boundaries and end up spending your life spinning out of control on the whims of demands – demands that are self-imposed, come from others or come from culture and society.

    I had our second child right at the beginning of the 1990’s, the time when “Super Mom” was lifted up as the goal.  In the midst of social pressures, I began questioning my choices to take one stage of life at a time. I looked around and found as the years went on that those that were trying to have, do, and be it all were also clamoring for the peace I had in my life. Without having read this book yet, I instinctively knew for me that I did not want to live life at breakneck speed or up to the demands and standards of others so I put boundaries to my wants, my time and ultimately my life stage.  As I placed healthy life boundaries in my life, as life stages changed, I discovered there was a book about this very subject.

    This classic book that as in the words of one woman “should be read and re-read every decade of one’s adult life.” For life changes, life stages change, and the people in your life change. It is helpful to reevaluate the circumstances, environments and relationships that make up your life. This helps keep one balanced and within the healthy boundaries that lead to a healthy life.

    The subject of the book is simply stated in its title, “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Originally published over 3 decades ago, it remains a go to book for those looking to bring balance and peace to their lives. When there are no boundaries, there is always an edge to step off and stumble, a cliff to fall over or a trap one gets embroiled in. The book starts right out with a peek into the day of someone without boundaries and then begins to explore the cause and the cure. The book provides biblical perspectives on boundaries and this book uses them as a road map to get one off the boundary-free life and safely onto the road of healthy life paths.

    In the times we are living in right now, it is even more important and critical to understand boundaries and put healthy ones into our life. Ministry life has an extra special need for creating healthy boundaries. Once in place, we are free to move about life and not fear that we will stumble controlled by the demands that do not fit our lives.

    Reading this book has helped keep me on the healthy boundary path. There is no better time than now to begin reading this in your decade of life.

    The authors have expanded this title to include additional subjects with the emphasis of placing healthy boundaries on all areas of life and relationship.

    Boundaries in marriage

    Boundaries in dating

    Boundaries with Kids

    Boundaries with Teens

    Boundaries for Leaders

    I pray you will use this resource, even if you have already read it. It is one of those we need to go back to often in ministry. Please set healthy boundaries for yourself in all these areas!

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.

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