Posted by Rodetta Cook

Rodetta Cook has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. She and her husband, Ron, have actively served the Lord together in ministry during the entire time and are co-founders of Care for Pastors. She understands the expectations, loneliness and how hard it is to find balance in ministry as a pastor’s wife. Rodetta also leads the pastor’s wives initiative at Care for Pastors called The Confidante and ministers to hundreds of wives each week. She strives to share blogs with other pastors’ wives that will help them in their ministry walk.

Posted by Rodetta Cook

    An Honest Conversation Among Pastors’ Wives

    Monday, January 09, 2017

    The question was recently asked by a pastor’s wife to a group of pastors’ wives, “Am I the only one that doesn’t look forward to Sunday?”

    I want to share with you some of the answers that were received to this question and I am sure you can relate to many of these, if not all of them. And maybe you can even add some of your own.

    • Some Sundays are better than others… others I’m just going through the motions… hopefully this is a season that will pass for you.
    • That’s exactly how I feel…. just going through the motions. We’ve been in the ministry for 21 years now and I love Christ so much… I’m tired of being treated so unfairly.
    • It’s so much work! Sometimes I dream about just being part of the congregation.
    • I’ve dreamed about sneaking away to another church… just to breathe… like 10 minutes away- just for a service to chill… where no one knows me, but someone would probably know me.
    • I have!!! It’s a nice break occasionally. In fact I attended a women’s Bible study at a neighboring church for a few years and met some of my best friends there. I wasn’t their pastor’s wife but met ladies I could just be friends with. It had its ups and down but mostly ups!
    • I feel lonely too. I could never just be “me” at church…. I’m always the Pastor’s wife… that the ladies always seem to find fault in. Its crazy how just a few bitter ladies can make you feel.
    • Same here. Someone is always mad at me or disappointed in me. It wears on you.
    • It is far from a day of rest for us.
    • I used to adore Sundays. It was my favorite day of the week. I never missed a Sunday if my life depended on it. Now I dread Sundays and I feel so guilty. I beg the Lord to give me passion and strength every week.
    • My husband and I are pretty weary. We give the church all we have and we are just very disappointed in our congregation. We moved to a small town this summer and people just aren’t responding. Everything comes before church. It is depressing.
    • We are in a small-town and church takes backseat to everything. We helped revitalize a dying church, but the people don’t want to help. We run everything and now we are losing steam after 4.5 years.
    • The anticipation of Sunday’s stinks.
    • I understand. I deal with an autoimmune disease and fibromyalgia. For me, mornings take everything I have to get moving. So throwing a smile on and going into the morning with all the responsibilities is exhausting.
    • I dread it.
    • I used to; now it’s just stressful.
    • I haven’t been to church in months.
    • My daughter woke up feeling sick and complaining of a tummy ache last Sunday. Is it terrible that I’m relieved that we didn’t have to go to church?
    • Sorry, can’t help but wonder whether to laugh or cry on that one. We all have those days at least I do.
    • I attend worship services elsewhere during the week because no one knows me and I can worship in peace.
    • I work with the kids as Children’s Ministry Leader. If not for them I would not want to go. I have to force myself to go on Sunday morning (when I don’t teach kids). Otherwise, Sunday night and Wednesday night I’m good b/c I get to be with the kiddos. The ones with pure hearts and no ulterior motives. We have been in ministry for almost 30 years. We have been at this church for 2 years. Until this church I have never not wanted to go to church. I could walk away from this church without missing a single beat, if not for the kids.

    Ladies I know ministry is tough and messy at times, but I want to encourage you stay focused on the Lord’s calling and remain faithful to Him. Don’t allow people to rob you of your joy or your calling.

    We are here to help in any way we can on your journey. Please let us come alongside you.

    Help us continue providing resources of care for pastors and their families.


    1. Renee DeMoss

      34 years in ministry and at the same small town church. Im going to say a few things:

      #1. Church people get away with too much. Good men of the church need to stand up and start protecting the Pastor, his family, and every person who wants to do what is right.

      #2. The Pastor does not work for the church but for God. Way too many church members hold the wrong ideas about the Pastor and his family.

      #3. Churches abuse the Pastor and his family when they expect his whole family to do all the work of the ministry without compensation. Yep, i said it. Why do churches get a 2 for 1 deal? If you want his wife to plan every activity and work every activity you better pay her what she is worth.

      #4. God is still on the throne. Pastors and church leaders fear every prominent wealthy trouble maker in the pew. Why do wealthy people get so much of what they want? We don’t really believe God is in charge and can care for us without those wealthy hypocrites.

      #5. Stop wasting time bottle feeding and coddling those church family members who are nothing more than a drain. If we don’t expect more of them, they will never grow up.

      #6. We aren’t called to be a mega-body of spoiled lukewarm people. Stop trying to have big numbers and make right the small body of believers you have.

      #7. Stand up for yourself, speak up for yourself, if every Pastor and Pastor’s wife in America expected better of a congregation we would get better…..we tolerate bad behavior from people and cry why me.

      Prayers and love to you all. The battle is real.

      • Rodetta Cook


        Thank you for your additional comments. Pastoral families are definitely under attack and need prayer and a “safe place” to process.


        • Renee DeMoss

          Rodetta, honest and heartfelt prayers for all. It makes me sad that so many ladies are hurting. Xo

          • Rodetta Cook

            Thanks for the prayers Renee, we need them. I am thankful we can be here for pastors and their spouses so they don’t have to go through struggles alone.

    2. Deb

      I look forward to Sundays, because I know Monday is the next day, and I have an entire week before the next Sunday. It’s sad, but true. As for church, 30 years in ministry, I have to reevaluate every year my priorities. As I get older my level of energy has diminished. I can’t do everything even though I try. I’m learning to let go!!! God has given other people gifts, let them use them. Keep in the word, pray, and find an outlet outside the church.

      • Rodetta Cook


        Thanks for your honesty and yes we as pastors’ wives definitely need an outside “safe place” to process.


    3. Linda Linton

      I believe we’re in the end times and church isn’t what it used to be. The Bible told us this was coming…when people would love themselves more than God, call wrong right, ask for preachers who tell them what they want to hear, etc. Church isn’t what it used to be – it’s an all out spiritual war. We have to remain strong and courageous. There are times, though, when a soldier gets wounded in the war and must come off of the battleground for a while to heal. David fought and killed Goliath in one season of his life, but then withdrew to the wilderness to hide in another season of his life. Even Jesus withdrew from ministering to the crowds from time to time to be alone with our Father – to refresh himself for the next battle. Don’t feel guilty, ladies. Do what you need to do to finish your race…even if you have to crawl across the finish line! We can do ALL things through Christ – even rest!

      • Rodetta Cook


        Thanks for your comment and you are so right the church and pastors are under attack. Satan knows his time is short so if he can take out the leader he thinks he wins. But we know who wins!!!



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